I came into recovery the first time in August of 2021. I didn’t do it for me, I did it to try and save a relationship. I relapsed within weeks of discharge due to a very disturbing domestic call involving 3 deaths and lost the relationship. But I also wasn’t working a program either.
So I tried again in December of 2021 and decided to pay attention this time and get through some trauma work. I did good for awhile after discharge again but started to self isolate. I was moved to night shift at work and hated life. The demons were still there. Again I didn’t work a program.
A month or two before I came back for help I had turned into a raging prick. I was full blown into my addiction mixing drugs with SSRIs and xanax. I started having manic episodes with blackouts. I threatened to end my life. I had no idea that a friend had come to check on me. I threatened them all. A few weeks later I ended up in another episode and pulled a gun on my boss. You guessed it 3 days in a pysch ward. A week later I was back in rehab for a 3rd time.
When I got there I was so angry and cussed everyone and everything. But people prayed for me everyday. Finally I knew I had to do something. I asked God if he was there to show me a sign everyday for a week. And wouldn’t you know I got one everyday. So on Easter Sunday I gave up and did my 3rd step. It wasn’t an easy road. I had to commit to heavy trauma work. But each day I got a little better with my higher powers help.
Fast forward to now and I’m working on 6 months clean. I go to meetings a few times a week and meet with my sponsor. I work the steps and pray to get just a little better each day. I’m far from perfect and I never will be. But I can honestly say after intense treatment for months I’m truly happy and at peace for the first time in over 20 years. My higher power continues to show me the promises a little at a time. I’ve met some amazing men and women in recovery. I’m finally around people who understand me.
To me sobriety means everything. I almost lost everything this go round including my life. Looking back I wish I had done it sooner. But we can’t ask for help until we hit rock bottom. So if your reading this and think you may need help like I did…please reach out and ask.
One Response
Knowing you during rehab and now; the positive change in you is nothing short of miraculous. You are a living example of a program in action! Keep it up!