I first heard the phrase “trauma is not a character defect” during an online Warriors Anonymous meeting – a recovery meeting for active duty military, law enforcement officers, first responders, and veterans.* It struck a nerve and resonated with me. Why? Two reason. 1) The traumas that I experienced in my life, the ones where I struggle with post-traumatic stress disorder, happened because either I was a child and in a situation I was not responsible for, or 2) Because I raised my right hand and pledged my life for this country. I didn’t create that trauma. These are the primary traumas that I ran from and stuck my head in a bottle over.
I have read and discussed criticisms of 12 step recovery programs because generally in step four one is directed to make a moral inventory of themselves. One looks at their fears, their resentments, their strengths and their weaknesses and identifies their character defects. One is asked to acknowledge their part they played in those things. Wait. What? Am I supposed to blame myself (again) for losing my battle buddies in combat?
No. I don’t think the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous which has led to the creation of a multitude of 12 step recovery programs and inspired other recovery programs who have helped millions of people achieve sobriety intended for a rape victim to blame themselves for being raped. Nor do I think they intended for adult survivors of child abuse to identify the part they played in their own abuse. I have read stories though where sponsors have asked that of their sponsees. I don’t think it is a problem with the program, I think it is a problem with individuals within the program. Because haven’t most of us that experienced those trauma’s already spent years blaming ourselves for them? Then to have someone else tell us that the only way to heal is to accept partial blame. Yeah, I would probably run from that program too and probably go back to drinking. Thankfully, my sponsor nor anyone I had contact with in recovery has ever come close to stating that position. But, other people have.
So, two broad categories of trauma. The shit that happened to us that we had experienced just because we were there, such as childhood sexual and physical abuse, battlefield trauma, a police officer protecting himself and others by shooting someone who is armed and poses a threat, a firefighter falling through a burning floor, a convicted felon serving their time in prison and being raped – just rape in general, and a multitude of other traumas. That’s the type of trauma that is not a character defect. No one should ask anyone to identify their responsibility in those types of trauma. Yes, there are caveats to a lot of things. What was my role in losing a Soldier when I was in charge? Was I negligent in some way? If the the answer is no, that I was just doing the mission under legal and ethical orders and did the best I could then I need to be careful that I do not add to that trauma by taking more responsibility for it then I already have. But just because I experienced that type of trauma doesn’t relieve me of still examining all my trauma. I don’t get a free pass.
The other type of trauma is the kind that is self-inflicted. It is the trauma that is tied to what I did during active addiction and what I did due to my character defects run rampant such as pride, fear, ego, and resentment. I don’t get to gloss over it just because I have the other type of trauma. So I buckle down, look in the mirror and identify the role I played, shoulder the blame, divulge it to another human being, identify those I hurt in the process of committing that trauma and make amends for it. That allows me to move on and while 12-step recovery programs are focused on recovery from addictions, this process of realizing what trauma I am responsible for and not for, has undoubtedly helped me recover from PTSD.
*https://www.warriorrecovery.net/online-aa-and-na-meetings-for-veterans-and-first-responders.html
