This morning was difficult. I woke up yet again in severe physical pain. To text messages that brought emotional pain. I fell into mental closed-mindedness. I started my morning routine with prayer and meditation but yet my thoughts stayed negative – “I am in pain. I am physically broken. I am useless. I am weak. I am humiliated.”
I got behind on my schedule. My morning run will have to wait or be postponed to tomorrow. I felt a strong desire to be near a body of water as water grounds me, brings me peace and serenity.
Sitting by the water with Simon (my service dog) I thought more about what I was feeling and realized it’s okay to have these feelings. It’s okay to listen to my body and dial it back a little. I realized I let my ego get the best of me in the gym and I over worked myself yesterday. My wife upset me and I let my anger and insecurities get the best of me. I do feel these things for I am a human. However, sitting by the water, I choose to give this negativity to my higher power.
Maybe I needed to feel weak, broken, and humiliated. It is a reminder of my powerlessness to control my drinking, people, places, things, and situations. I observe my negativity and I share it with my higher power and acknowledge it to another human being. I am ready to take what happens today. Because today is a day and I will do my best to live the tenants in the prayer of Saint Francis.
