“Remember that we deal with alcohol-cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us.” – Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 58-59
Cunning:
I must remain vigilant, acknowledging that my addiction remains dormant yet ever-present in the shadows. I must internalize the truth that I cannot indulge in drinking or substance use again, under any circumstances. I cannot turn to alcohol in moments of anxiety, stress, celebration, or depression. I cannot use it to silence the relentless demons in my mind, because those demons won’t drown. It’s a common trap for alcoholics in recovery to become overconfident after a period of sobriety, believing they can handle a few drinks and still be in control because they think they are “cured.” This is the cunning nature of addiction whispering to us, lying in wait to undermine our progress. While I attend meetings, my addiction is outside, scheming and doing pushups in the parking lot.
Baffling:
Despite my perceived strength of character, solid morals, and unwavering determination, I once believed that these qualities, coupled with my strong desire to quit drinking permanently, would be sufficient. However, I discovered that mere willpower alone was not enough; quitting was an insurmountable challenge. This is the baffling aspect of alcoholism—the insatiable compulsion that defies all logic, no matter how desperate the need or fervent the desire. The moment I entertain the idea that I have conquered my addiction and can ease up on my recovery efforts, I unwittingly invite it back into my life to seize control once more.
Powerful:
This disease possesses a powerful ability to distort our thoughts and perceptions of the world. As individuals grappling with alcoholism and addiction, we become willing to sacrifice anything to satisfy our cravings, regardless of the consequences. The overpowering need to use substances takes precedence over everything else: family, career, relationships, personal integrity, and even the will to live.
Patient:
My addiction patiently awaits an opportunity to reenter my life, should I provide it with that chance. The most effective way to thwart this possibility is to maintain constant vigilance over my recovery on a daily basis. I MUST go to meetings. I MUST work with other alcoholics. I MUST do the next right thing. The thought of staying sober for a lifetime can be daunting and overwhelming, so I approach it one day at a time. While I may not be able to guarantee sobriety for the entirety of my life, I can commit to staying sober today. I simply focus on getting through today, and if required, I take it one hour at a time to safeguard my sobriety.
My Jailer:
I once believed that drinking alcohol had significant benefits; I thought it defined my personality, fueled my social life, facilitated fun, relaxation, and a sense of “feeling.” However, alcohol had hijacked all these aspects of my life. My addiction convinced me that I couldn’t experience these things without consuming it, embedding the idea that it was essential. This belief was a facade, a persuasive deception that led me to dance to its tune for over two decades. Alcohol had deceived me into thinking that happiness, enjoyment, and connection required its presence, essentially becoming my captor. It dictated that the only way out of my suffering was through ingesting poison, perpetuating a cycle of imprisonment and false freedom. Initially, having a few drinks would grant me brief reprieves before locking me back in my mental cell. Each time, the demands increased, chaining me more tightly to its grip. I had mistakenly viewed alcohol as my liberator, but in hindsight, it was my oppressor, imprisoning me and obstructing my own life. To break free, I needed to recognize the truth about my situation, confront my abuser, and reclaim control. I realized that alcohol contributed nothing positive to my life; instead, it held me hostage, depriving me of what was rightfully mine and harming those I cared about. As I stopped inflicting harm upon myself, I gradually began reclaiming the aspects of my life that had been under the sway of addiction for so long. Now, I am truly free.
