October 19th 2024
A Warrior Called
The other night a fellow warrior, a retired gunny sergeant and fellow alcoholic reached out through our recovery chat and wanted to talk. He wanted to talk about Ramadi, Iraq. We both were deployed there in 2005-2006 when Time Magazine labeled it as the “most dangerous place on Earth.” It has taken me years to deal with some of the things that happened there so when someone wants to “talk about Ramadi,” it’s usually not about good times. My buddy and I chatted for a few minutes, and I realized that he was struggling and that he was drinking.
I wanted to hang up. I was angry with him for dredging up the horrors of that hell on earth and I was pissed that he was drinking yet again. He’s been through rehab six times, one of the times I was with him and during that time he exuded the confidence that this time was different. But he clearly still struggles with his part in the war and while I wanted to hang up because he was getting progressively more drunk as we spoke, I didn’t. I had to remind myself that in 2023 alone, 11 former subordinates, former colleagues, and one former boss committed suicide. Of those that I have details about their deaths, all of them displayed post-traumatic stress symptoms and died with a chemical substance in their bodies. So, I didn’t hang up.
We got through the night. I came close to calling the police in his hometown to check on him. The conversation was bizarre at times and he eventually passed out. I doubt he remembers most of it and he has not since responded back to my texts and phone calls but I know he is alive and that’s all that matters. I wish he would have called for help before he started drinking. It is a strong reminder for me that no matter what I am going through, past traumas, combat experiences, whatever; that taking a drink to deal with the pain is just going to make it worse and put me back in a very dark place that I had to claw my way out of with a lot of help and support. I hope he finds a way out of the pain and misery before it is too late.
