I first got sober in 1997 at age 30 after a felony arrest in law school as a commissioned Marine Officer. Met my wife 7 months sober. Spent 2 years sorting out major legal/career/personal troubles and had a solid foundation of sobriety when the skies parted, my sober life began, and my career in the Marines was allowed to begin. Personal and professional growth ensued, five healthy children were born, promotions and military moves ensued. Tours in Iraq and Afghanistan followed. But AA attendance fell off and spiritual growth stalled.
In 2011, after redeployment from Afghanistan, God’s primary mechanism for blessing my life, His conduit for disciplining me in every sense of the word (training and instruction; using punishment to correct disobedience; comittment to constant practice regardless of emotional state) – i.e., the Marine Corps – became a malevolent force in my distorted thinking. That main instrument of God’s blessing in my life, to a mind filled with fear, was going to chew me up and spit me out. It was going to do great damage to me with no second thought. And I had to leave it.
The warfighting organization that had grown me from a 28 year old drunk, undisciplined child, no different than a child in Walmart throwing a fit who simply needs a good spanking (“For whom the LORD loveth He correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.” Proverbs 3:12), into a sober 44 year old Christian husband, father, Marine officer, who knew duty, commitment, and work, was now my enemy in my brain. But it was my brain that was my enemy.
Six months after I got home from Afghanistan I left active duty, transitioned to the Marine Reserves, and found a civilian DoD job. I had already relapsed but didn’t even know it. Six months after that, working as a civilian attorney for the Dept of the Air Force, during my first drill weekend, I was drunk. It was OK, I was just going to take a break, blow off some steam, then step back into AA and start over. No lies, no deceit, just take a white chip and start over. I deserved a break. I would give myself 6 months. I fucking deserved it.
Just over 12 years, five residential treatment centers and countless vain attempts to achieve long-term sobriety later, I found myself at Warriors Heart, Milford Virginia, for what would will be my sixth and final attempt at RTC. I had heard of Warriors Heart from a sober Marine veteran at my local gym in Midlothian, Virginia. A young man with a beautiful service dog, I approached him and, as I often do, I over-shared about the miserable state of all my affairs. He asked if I knew about Warriors Heart and I said “NO” but was already hooked. I knew I’d end up there, whatever it was.
About 5 years later I asked for help through the VA and landed in Milford at the door of Warriors Heart through private insurance and a donor. It was so remarkable, so utterly transformative, that I found myself agreeing, no – requesting, wanting – to follow my 6 weeks in RTC with 2 months of IOP at the Warriors Lodge, Warriors Heart’s sober living facility in Bandera, Texas.
I got home to the Richmond area yesterday from the Lodge and am excited to continue my sober journey with a solid recovery community in the Richmond area. My sobriety date is January 19, 2024. My home group is Suffered Enough, Midlothian, VA. I have a sponsor, and I look forward to sponsoring men once I have worked all twelve steps, in order, under the direction of my sponsor Bill K. Thank you, God Bless you, Semper Fidelis, and God Bless America.
